Dating the nice guy
He also helps little old ladies across the street, and I mean that literally.
If you’ve lived in chaos most of your life, or if you’ve had abuse or a lot of drama in past relationships, you’re probably going to be really uncomfortable with the sense of ease that comes from being in a healthy relationship with a nice guy.Even more, you don’t get to take your crappy mood out on him or you’ll end up hurting him. Real-life nice guys are kind to strangers, warm with friends and probably give a lot of their time and energy to many people.A nice guy doesn’t have a bad-boy exterior to hide behind when you’re being prickly, so do whatever you can to be kind and warm. This can take some getting used to if you’re used to dysfunction and the insular world of the so-called Bad Boy.Notice the anxiety that starts to come up when you feel peace, or when you feel vulnerable, and just recognize that it’s there. There are women who are genuinely nice, and sometimes their partners aren’t used to that and cause all sorts of problems, too.Keep in mind that the goal is to appreciate the good stuff that’s right in front of you, instead of planning for the bad that might happen. You can either fix them so you don’t hurt him with careless words, or infidelity, or creating drama, or whatever you tend toward, or you can live in fear. This is about healthy relationships, regardless of gender or sexuality, and we can all work toward being the type of people who are happy when we’re healthy.They’ll ask the person serving their coffee how their day is going, and they’ll genuinely want to know.
They won’t play games when you meet them, and they won’t put up with your crap or manufactured drama because they know nice when they see it, and picking fights isn’t nice.
My husband, most of the time, is incredibly nice to everybody.
He knows the life story of the plumber, the ladies who work in the billing department at work, and will hug anybody, anytime, who wants to hug.
This seems like a weird thing to say, but one thing you may have learned in your life is that you are dangerous. Because you’re an adult now, and you have control over your choices.
Maybe you learned as a little kid that part of you was wrong—too spirited, too fiery, too emotional, too strident, too sexual, too loud, maybe too gay. You were shamed into believing that part of you was made wrong and because of that, you are just going to hurt people around you. Yeah, we’re all going to screw up sometimes and make mistakes.
Beyond that, he knows you’re not a child, and refuses to treat you like one.